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Robin Jones Gunn (RJG): The rekindling of that initial attraction, the dreaming of the possibilities, the glances and shared smiles...all that "romance" brings sweetness to life - to the partnership. My daughter was home from school today getting over the flu. When she wanted something to eat, she asked for toast. "Plain toast? Or with butter on it?" I asked. She gave me a look as if I should automatically know the answer and said, "I have to have honey on it, Mom. Honey will make my insides start to sing again." Maybe romance is the "honey" in marriage. The extra sweetness on the daily bread of marriage is what makes our insides sing again.

RJG: Us, of course. Our choices. We can make the effort or not. When we were first married and [my husband] Ross went on youth group retreats without me, I'd stick love notes in his packed clothes. I'd write verses on cards and stick them in his Bible and Day Timer. Our son is almost eighteen. When he came home from school today the hood of his blue Volvo station wagon was strewn with dozens of pastel candy hearts. A girl who works with him at the Christian bookstore had covered his car with balloons and inside one of the balloons was an invitation to an upcoming ‘girl-ask-guy’ event at school. She made the effort. I won't report on how my son felt about the effort, but it actually prompted me to think of the last time I made a creative effort to lavish such a romantic gesture on my husband. I think it's time for me to make the effort!

RJG: Don't you think it always helps to go back and remember what the other person likes? For instance, about twelve years ago several of my married girlfriends were all into this "kidnap your husband for a weekend" thing. They'd make all the plans, pack his bags, surprise him by showing up at work at 5:00 on Friday and whisk him away to a spontaneous weekend of bliss. I never tried that. I know my husband. That would have driven him crazy. He likes to plan and evaluate all the options and clear his schedule and thoughts before taking off for a weekend. Perhaps the better we know each other the better we are at knowing exactly what the other person would consider a "rekindling" as opposed to a disaster.

RJG: I had a live radio interview a few years ago where the host started by saying, "How can you call yourself a Christian and write ‘romance’ novels?" In that moment, after I gulped, I had this piercing thought. I told her, "It's because when I was in high school I read a book that changed my life. In the first few chapters every thing falls apart and you think they're never going to get back together. About 3/4 of the way through the book he moves heaven and earth to prove his love for her and still she won't come wholeheartedly to him. Then in the last chapter, he comes riding in on a white horse and takes her away to be his bride and live with him forever."

The radio host scoffed and said, "How could a book like that change your life? That sounds like a formula romance novel!" I grinned and said, "Really? That's funny because I was talking about the Bible. White horse and everything."

There was this gulp of dead air before she said, "We're going to cut to a station break now." As soon as she hit the silence button, she stared at me and said, "You're right. The Bible is a love story." I nodded because this was all a new discovery to me, too. I'd never thought of it until that moment. "The Ultimate love story," I said. "The Ultimate romance. God is the relentless lover. He wants us back because we are His first love and he will never stop pursuing us."

RJG: One that comes to mind is when I spent a Saturday afternoon reading portions of the Old Testament for hours. Every time I read something about God wanting me or longing for me or loving me I wrote it down. I had pages of excerpts like, ""I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness, And will hold your hand; I will keep you." (Isaiah 42:6) and "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine." (Isaiah 43:1) and "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." (Jeremiah 31:3). At the end of the day I sat and read page after page in my journal of that concentrated list of God's love notes to me.

I've never been drunk, so I don't know exactly what that feels like, but that's the only way I can describe how I felt. Filled and heady and overcome. Drunk on all those words God put in His love letter to me. Words of the purest love and truest desire. I felt like the Shulamite Woman in Song of Solomon 5:8 when she said, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am sick with love."

RJG: One year the girls in the youth group made big, heart-shaped sugar cookies decorated with pink frosting and sold them as a fund raiser for something. Ross had them make a big one with our names written in white frosting across the top. I remember the look on his face when he came home with that cookie behind his back. He knew that sugar cookies - homemade sugar cookies - with powdered sugar pink frosting were my all-time most favorite of any kind of food in any category. And there he stood, with this huge cookie made especially for me and our names were on it with lacy squiggles around the edges! Okay, stop smirking like that. Didn't we already establish that each of us have our own concept of what's special to us? I loved that Valentine surprise. I still can't pass up real, true homemade heart shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting. But none of them have ever tasted as good as that one.

RJG: My husband is the one with the Master's Degree in Counseling! He could probably answer this one with a logical, insightful answer—complete with charts. I'll just say that I think Woodlands, and contemporary love stories like Woodlands, enter into that quiet place inside a woman's spirit where she stores up and measures out emotional energy. It's a deep well. And sometimes that well runs low. I get a lot of mail from women who say that when they read the books in the Glenbrooke Series it replenishes that emotional well. The stories bring hope and glimmers of God, our Relentless Lover. The characters become like a friend. A safe friend who gives instead of takes. And when a woman has taken in emotional energy and filled that deep well, she's more prepared to go back to giving to all those in her life who depend on her for what she alone can give.

One woman wrote me and said, "My husband is a pastor and I can't explain it, but every time I read one of your books, I close the last page and find myself freshly in love with him all over again. I think it's because the stories dissolve some of my defenses and make my personal struggles seem smaller. It's the way I feel at a wedding. I feel resolved to fulfill all my vows and do it with tenderness and elegance. My husband loves it when I come floating in after reading one of your books. He'd like to know when your next one is coming out."

RJG: I was just thinking about that answer I gave about my romantic time with God. When I pulled all those verses about God's love together in one place, it was pure and powerful. But those verses are sprinkled throughout dozens of Old Testament chapters -- chapters filled with verses about our falling short and God's righteous indignation and mankind's selfishness and arrogance. You know what I'm saying? You've read Isaiah and Jeremiah. Who would ever consider those to be "love stories"? But it's there. In the midst of the failures and confusion and judgments, it's right there. God pursuing us. Wanting to "romance" us back to himself.

I was wondering if romance in a marriage is kind of like that. It's not as if romance is all bunched together in one place, pure and powerful, all the time. It's sprinkled throughout those really bad days and those blunders and those catastrophes that drain our emotional wells. It's there. And perhaps how much of it shows up in our marriages depends on how much effort we chose to invest in communicating "romance".

So, what is "romance" in marriage? Maybe it's simply communicating in a variety of ways to the one we love that what we decided in our hearts long ago still stands firm. It's God saying, "I want you. I wanted you on the first page of my book and I'll still want you when the final page is written. And on all the pages in between I'll find creative ways to 'romance' you -- to show you -- to remind you that I chose you and if I had it to do all over again, I'd still choose you all over again."

Okay, Mike & Amy. Enough of this interview. I'm totally convicted now to go make an effort to ‘romance’ my husband! Thanks for inviting me to do this.

MN & AN: Thanks for taking the time to join us, Robin!

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