“Norm Wakefield, a friend with whom I’ve co-authored several books, has been an example of an effective Christian father to me...[He] has had a profound influence on me as a father. His insights (in a book we wrote together entitled The Dad Difference) have greatly sharpened my view of the heavenly Father’s role in my life as a father.”

—Josh McDowell, popular author and speaker.

You might know Dr. Norm Wakefield because of his popular collaborations with Josh McDowell (The Dad Difference and Friend of the Lonely Heart). Or maybe you know him through his speaking ministry at family camps all over the nation, or because he preached at your church. You might even be one of the lucky students who has taken a class from Dr. Wakefield at Phoenix Seminary. But regardless of how we know him, we can all be excited about his latest book, Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab: Insights About the Sexes from the Book of Ruth.

We recently cornered Dr. Wakefield and asked him about the message--and the story--behind this life-changing book. Here’s what he had to say...

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FamilyFans: What first prompted you to write Men Are From Israel, Women Are From Moab?

NW: As a teenager and adult it bothered me the way men and women often spoke to and of each other. I noticed much sarcasm and "putdown" jokes that were hurtful and demeaning Even as a young man it didn't seem right. Then as I read the book of Ruth I was struck with the kindness, courtesy and affirmation that went on between Ruth and Boaz. It was so refreshing and attractive. In effect I saw a better model that won my heart.

FamilyFans: How did writing the book change you personally?

NW: The research and writing deepened my own conviction that this was ho our Lord intended men and women to interact. It also reinforced my personal conviction that I would be a Boaz around women and not a Bozo. I guess it's also given me a great respect for women who exhibit the qualities of Ruth.

FamilyFans: What was it like to work with your daughter, Jody Brolsma, in creating this book?

NW: In life we sometimes get to do something that is very special. Developing and writing this with Jody was literally fun for me. I admire Jody's devotion to our Lord, her warm caring spirit and her reader-friendly writing style. I also discovered a depth of wisdom in Jody that is helpful to readers.

FamilyFans: Why did you choose the book of Ruth from the Bible to provide the Scriptural basis for this book?

NW: Hardly any biblical examples of a positive relationship between men and women can be found in the Bible (I think this parallels life). That makes this relationship stand out like a beacon in a dark night. When I discovered this fairly extensive account of such a positive, healthy relationship it affirmed to me that this was our Lord's beacon to guide us in godly and loving relationships with members of the opposite sex.

FamilyFans: What are the biggest obstacles that keep men and women from having positive relationships? What can they do about those?

NW: I'm not giving these any order of priority but here's what I see. First, we have very few positive models to follow. We hear far more about how different men and women are than we do those qualities, goals and purposes that unite us. Second, most men live their entire lives without discovering how to be warm and intimate in non-sexual ways. So much of their conversation is superficial. They don't know how to interact with women who want to talk on a more personal level. Third, most of us don't have well-tuned communication skills so we talk, but don't communicate. This makes it more difficult to come together. Fourth, our society is built around independence rather than interdependence. Thus though we know something is lacking, we don't know how to move toward it and if someone offers to help us we get frightened with the thought of intimacy.

I think we begin to attack the problem when we develop biblical convictions that our Lord wants men and women to live mutually supportive lives. We have to change the paradigm that many of us were reared by. Also, we need to become better at honest affirmation of each other’s strengths. That has a powerful drawing effect on relationships. I also think that where men and women are more free to use their gifts and talents to serve each other it nurtures respect and admiration.

FamilyFans: How might this book help a father improve his relationship with his daughter? Or a mother improve her relationship with her son?

NW: This is a very good question! It's one of the best places to bring about change. Jody and I have tried to give practical examples of how those qualities in Ruth and Boaz can take shape today. The truth is that fathers can be a model of courtesy, respect and admiration that will help a young woman measure how men treat her. The book describes the key qualities that a father can live out toward his daughter. In like manner, mothers who nurture Ruth's qualities towards their sons will help them gain respect and admiration for women. Of course I'm presupposing that the father and mother are building a warm interpersonal relationship with their child.

FamilyFans: What's the most important thing for men and women to understand when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex?

NW: I can't limit it to one thing. First, I'd say that we must understand that our Lord has called us to live in a unified spiritual family that honors both sexes equally (There is no distinction in the gifts of the Spirit of God. Men and women can minister to each other equally. Second, while acknowledging that men and women are different in some ways the Bible calls us to focus on those things we share in common. Third, the overriding theme in the entire Bible is the importance of loving relationships. We are to love each other beyond any gender differences. My love, respect and care of women must be equal to that of men, and vise versa.

FamilyFans: With this book in mind, what would you say are a parent's top 5 priorities?

NW: 1) Model courtesy, respect and affirmation in the husband and wife relationship. 2) Fathers live godly, gracious lives towards their daughters with warmth and kindness, and mothers live before their sons in a similar way. The home should be an environment of grace. 3) As parents model these qualities they then teach them directly to their children. By the time each child has come to adulthood he or she should have both a cognitive and emotional foundation of this Ruth-Boaz relationship with members of the opposite sex. 4) The love of Christ must be the motivating force for these actions and principles to bear fruit. When family members are indwelt by the Spirit of God the fruit of love, joy and peace make harmonious and respectful relationships real. 5) Parents should also surround their children with other models of healthy, positive gender relationships. Family conversations that talk about how people treat each other will help reinforce the truth in children.

FamilyFans: What's the best compliment a fan could give you about this new book?

NW: "This book changed the way I'm relating to members of the opposite sex. I've made a commitment I'm going to be a Ruth/Boaz."

FamilyFans: Any last thoughts to share with husbands, wives and parents regarding the principles in this book?

NW: Few of us ever become famous. But all of us can be remembered as men and women who exhibited those qualities that touched others lives. It's obvious that Ruth and Boaz never expected to be remembered for thousands of years. It was the beauty of godliness lived in ordinary settings that have made people admire them so much. I'll guarantee you that a man that lives like Boaz and a woman who lives like Ruth will be spoken of and remembered for a long time.

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