If your child is like most teenagers, he or she interacts more with the television set than with you. Recent studies have revealed that the average teenager spends:

•five minutes a day alone with her father;

•twenty minutes a day alone with his mother;

•and three hours a day watching television.¹

If you’re like most parents, you’d like to do something to reverse this trend. And you can. Perhaps it’s time to turn off the television set and encourage your teenagers to rediscover the lost art of conversation. Use these conversation starter tools to help you.

The best conversation starter for a parent and teenager is a shared experience. There is no replacement for the camaraderie that comes from mutual memories. "Remember the time your dad found a snake in his sleeping bag?" "Wasn’t it fun when the power went out and we stayed up all night eating popcorn and reading The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by candlelight?"

A shared experience gives parents and teenagers equal access and comparable knowledge to contribute in a conversation. So don’t just sit there, do something with your kids—make a memory. You could:

•take a drive to nowhere,

•taste-test all the soft-serve ice cream providers in your community,

•build a boat,

•play Monopoly,

•go to a concert (let your teenager pick the band!),

•paint the house, or

•serve food at a homeless shelter.

Hours, days, weeks, even years after you’ve shared an experience, you and your teenagers will have memories to reflect on—and talk about.

Every day something of note happens (that’s why we have newspapers, you know). Pay attention to the notable events that catch your teenager’s eye—then talk about them.

The classic example of this was the Oklahoma City bombing. It was impossible for anyone (your teen included) not to watch this tragedy unfold without feeling something—anger, sadness, fear, pain. Involve your teenager as you process your own feelings about events such as these.

Ask questions like: "What’s your reaction to this event?" "If you could do anything about this situation right now, what would you do?" "Why do you suppose things like this happen?" "How would you feel about praying with me about this situation?"

Discussing notable events with your teenager is not only a good way to start a conversation—it’s emotionally healthy for both you and your child. Here are some notable events you might want to discuss with your teenagers:

•Any news story that catches your teenager’s attention.

•Happenings in the world of sports.

•Major award ceremonies (such as the Oscars, the Grammys, the Dove Awards, and the Emmys).

•Popular events at school (such as football games, choir concerts, stage productions, educational and music contests, and so on).

•Local and national elections.

Believe it or not, your kids can think. Unfortunately, much of their conversations with adults are closed-ended, non-thinking ones. Teachers ask, "Who was the twenty-first president of the United States?" Youth leaders ask, "Do you think John 3:16 is a good verse to remember?" And parents ask, "Did you have a good time?"

Although closed-ended questions like these have their place, they do little to encourage conversations. Closed-ended questions have only one right answer and challenge kids to use only lower-order, fill-in-the-blank types of thinking skills. Open-ended questions challenge your kids to think, to verbalize, and to defend their opinions. They generally have no "right answer," and require higher-order thinking. So, if you want to spark a thoughtful conversation with your teenager, ask open-ended questions.

Here are some discussion-starter questions you might want to use:

•If you could change one thing about our family, what would it be?

•What do you like best about your brother or sister? Why?

•If they made a movie about our family, which actors and actresses would portray us?

•What’s one thing you’ve always wondered about me?

•What’s one thing you’ve always wished you could tell me about you?

•When do you feel like God is really close to you?

•When do you feel like God is really far away?

•What adjectives best describe your relationship with Jesus? Why?

•What adjectives do you wish would describe your relationship with Jesus? Why?

•If, in your lifetime, you could solve one of humanity’s problems (such as poverty, war, sickness, and so on), which would you choose to solve?

•When have you felt the happiest? Why?

•When have you felt the most discouraged? Why?

•What is your favorite holiday? Why?

•If you could ask one question of anyone (dead or alive), what would your question be and who would you ask it of? How do you think that person would respond?

God has given you a two incredible gifts. One is your children. The other is the privilege of carrying on conversations with them. So this week let your kids do the talking—not the television.