For example, I once had a girlfriend who said, “Hey! Your name is a four-letter word! Heee-heee. Does that mean I’m cursing when I call you Mike? Hee-hee-hee!” (For some reason, we didn’t go out very long.)

When a guy on an opposing volleyball team spiked one down my throat, my teammates got a great laugh out of saying, “What’s the matter? Get caught NAPPING, Nappa?” (For some reason they thought that was a funny thing to say to a guy who had just been hit in the face by a volleyball traveling 60 miles per hour. I wasn’t on that team very long either.)

Then those stupid Life Cereal and Gatorade commercials came out. Now whenever I go to a party, people shout “Mikey likes it!” and “I wanna be like Mike!” as I enter the room. (For some reason, I don’t go to parties much anymore.)

But then one day I was on an airplane. (I was wondering what it might be like to move to a foreign country and change my name to Mxyzptlk. Maybe if people couldn’t pronounce my name, they wouldn’t be able to make fun of it.) The pilot came on to make his little pre-flight introductions. He finished up by saying, “And our co-pilot today is Justin Case. Enjoy your flight!”

People started snickering right away. “Hey, did you hear that?” they said. “Justin Case is here Just-In-Case our pilot needs help! Haw Haw Haw!”

It was then I realized that Mike Nappa might not be such a bad name. After all, hadn’t I known people named Rich Payne, Ellen Loser, and Bruce Upthegrove? But just to make sure, I went to the library to check it out.

I was right. Throughout the ages, some parents have been unmerciful when naming their children. Consider these real-life examples:

•One man’s parents named him Goody P. Creep. He grew up to be an undertaker.

•The commissioner of education for the Virgin Islands was once a person named A. Moron.

•Thinking about seeing a physician? You might want to stay away from one of the five people in the U.S. named Dr. Bonebreak.

•A social leader in Houston, Texas was once blessed with that memorable name Ima Hogg. (Really! I’m not making this stuff up!)

•Some parents like to name their children after themselves—as was the case with John Senior. He named his son John Senior, Junior.

•In the 1700s, another man wanted to name a son after himself—so he did. The son’s name? Preserved Fish, Junior. (He went on to become a partner in a fishing company that sold whale oil.)

•If you had been an orchestra conductor in France during the 1800s, you might have been saddled with this man’s name: Louis George Maurice Adolph Roch Albert Abel Antonio Alexandre NoŽ Jean Lucien Daniel Eugene Joseph-Le-Brun Josephe-Bar�me Thomas Thomas-Tch Pierre-Cerbon Pierre-Maurel Barthelemi Artus Alphonse Bertrand Dieudonne Emanuel Josue Vincent Luc Michel Jules-De-La-Plane Jules-Bazin Julio-Cesar Jullien.

•Be glad you weren’t a child of the 70s-era rocker, Frank Zappa. He named his children Moon Unit and Dweezle.

•A singing teacher in Canada couldn’t have been all that good. After all, her name was Mrs. Screech.

•Don’t make this person from New York mad at you. Her name is Sue Yu.

•And be careful before eating at this person’s restaurant in Portland, Oregon. His name is Ure A. Pigg.

•This laughable name was given to a restaurant worker in New York City: T. Hee.

•Thinking about opening a savings account? Think twice before you visit the bankers named Cheatham and Steele.

•I’d bet that this nurse was at the top of her class when she graduated from medical school. Her name is Honor Roll.

•There is a person in Palm Harbor, Florida named Kuhl Brieze. (Perhaps the parents suffered from a bit too much sun in the harbor?)

•Never Fail’s parents had high expectations for their children. Never Fail grew up to be a builder in Oklahoma.

•In spite of his name, Cardinal Sin, this leader in the Catholic church still might be able to help you learn more about God.

So, even though you may have a name like Mike Nappa, or Ellen Loser, or even Rich Payne, at least you too can take comfort in knowing that someplace, somewhere in the world, somebody has a name worse than yours!

(Note: If you’d like to read about more unusual, real-life names, check your local library for one of these books by John Train, Remarkable Names of Real People and Even More Remarkable Names.)